I Have Absolutely No Idea What I’m Doing

Feeling-Lost

 

Just when I thought I had everything figured out, I started free-falling. Just like a kid with a bag full of candies, all of my wonderful delights started falling one by one. Not knowing how to catch it, I fumbled clumsily with the mess I made. Having absolutely no idea with what just happened, I started feeling lost.

One of our preachers stated a short quote yesterday and as short as it is, it definitely made an impact. “The world can strip us off our identity.” I never knew if that was an original of his, all I know is that for me the statement did not end with a period. It had ellipses and it continues on to ‘the world can strip us off our identity…’ even without us knowing it, …even if we don’t admit it, or worse …once we let it.

I consider myself blessed during my late teens because I grew up with women who know who they are; strong, faith-filled women, full of love, with different characteristics and personalities, yet completely confident with their identities.

Sharing life with them gave me confidence of who I am… or so I thought. I was so amazed with how they were living their lives. I found out how they became so secured, until eventually I became so attracted to their characters. Everything about them made me want to be just like them, without realizing that I was trying to pattern my identity with them. I knew who I was, but apparently the basis of my identity became them.

I started to discover the perils of my ignorance when I left my country. I made a committment to surround myself with people similar to the women I grew up with. I made a pact with myself that I will never lose sight of who I am. I strived, I struggled, and gave all the effort I could muster to stay being the woman I thought I should be. Result – I failed miserably.

Just when I thought of giving up, just when I thought that going with the flow was so much more better, that quote slapped me in the face. Like cold water splashed on my face, as if I’ve been asleep all this time. As if the curtain call was over and I had to stop acting the part my playwright assigned.

Through our pastor’s preaching I was reminded of who I am. He has already ordained my identity, since the very beginning. Genesis 1:26 “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness…” I am created in God’s image and likeness; His image not that of my friends’; in His likeness not that of my friends’ nor of any other creature in this world.

I might not make so much sense as to how that quote is so enlightening to me, but if you’ve ever had that light bulb moment. When you’ve been asking for one question for such a long time, and then suddenly out of nowhere the answer gets handed out to you in silver platter – that’s what happened to me. It’s like a memory long forgotten, unearthed by a very simple trigger.

There are moments when we lose sight of who we truly are most especially when we’re faced with life’s challenges. Sometimes we lose ourselves when we get occupied with the world. Sometimes we get so distracted with the outside noise telling us this and that. How to get back, I don’t know, but all I know is that I got back.

With that simple quote, I started hearing again.

And I realized that all we have to do is just ask. Sometimes answers don’t come right away, sometimes it takes days, weeks, months, even years. But when He answers the timing is just right. I asked and He answered right away, just when I needed it most.

 

I almost threw away my identity, I almost forgot what I was living for, I almost completely lost myself. But I was reminded of Who I Am. I dropped the bag full of candies, but my Dad helped me pick it all up. He threw it all away and gave me a new bag full of goodies.

 

Image courtesy of runningwithspoons.com

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